He knows my name

Tuesday, February 17, 2009
9:45 a.m. CZ time – 2:45 a.m. Home time


MID-TERM BREAK! Yahooo! Have you any idea how excited this makes me?! It’s almost 10 o’clock on a Tuesday morning and I’m still sitting in my bed, in my pajamas eating Milka and messing around on the internet. Life is good.

My window is cracked to let in the snow-fresh air. Everything is white. The forecast says it’s supposed to snow all week…
That’s fine with me. It means it will be at least 32degrees. :)

So, um, I made the Chancellor’s List! Is that bragging? I dunno. But – yay!

I’m starting to get cards in the mail. :) I’m already worried about running out of room on my refrigerator!


Ok. So. Can I say that I think I’m finally getting it? I’m finally comfortable; past the shock. I’m able to start evaluating my time here. I’m thinking…I’m thinking and I’m learning. Sunday was marvelous. I’ve not felt that close to Him in a long time. We sang “He knows my name.”

I have a Maker

He formed my heart

Before even time began

My life was in his hands

I have a Father

He calls me His own

He’ll never leave me

No matter where I go

Chorus

He knows my name

He knows my every thought

He sees each tear that falls

and He hears me when I call

You’ve probably heard it before. Anyway. He’ll never leave me, no matter where I go. He formed my heart. He calls me His own. He knows my every thought, He sees each tear that falls. He hears me when I call.
It’s comforting. No one I love is within 5,000 miles. They can’t hear me. Knowing that God is there has been my crutch. But feeling Him and relying on His presence has only just come.

You know, this whole time, I’ve felt like I’ve had to tell people that I’m doing my internship, but I’m also gonna try to do mission work. It’s like I’ve felt that I’ve had to turn my trip into a “ministry” in order to be remembered back home. Why is that? Why do I feel like I have to tell people that God has called me and I’m taking Him with me? Why is that a precursor to being put on the Prayer List? Shouldn’t that be a given? Shouldn’t everything I do, everything any of us does, be a part of God’s plan and His calling? Shouldn’t we support each other in everything we do? Isn’t it that simple? Shouldn’t that be life? Yes, I need all the prayer and support I can get while I’m abroad. But, isn’t life hard to get through at home? Shouldn’t it be as important to lean on others when you’re feeling down, or you’ve lost or job, or…when your power’s gone out as when you're alone on the other side of the planet?

It’s ironic that I’m thinking about leaning on others when I’m without my usual “others.” If nothing else, God has shown me how much I should appreciate and love those around me. Life isn’t meant to be done alone. I was created to be madly in love with my fellow man. I was created to support and lift up those around me, just as I was created to receive the love and support of those around me. (That's something else I've had trouble with. I've never been very good at being on the other side of ministry - the one being loved on and ministered to. I've been forced to change that...)

No one has it easy. No one has it made. No one has it figured out. That’s something else – I thought I knew God well. I wasn’t arrogant enough to say I knew all about Him, but I was content to say that I knew “quite a bit.” No. I’m constantly discovering and rediscovering what it means to live Christian. It’s not a label, it’s not a list, it’s not even tithing or being at church every Sunday or cooking for potlucks…it’s carrying on a genuine conversation with a man on the street. It’s smiling at someone in the grocery store. It’s sending flowers to a sick neighbor. It’s hugging a child with a scraped knee. It’s love in everyday action. It is life.

These things should be a part of who we are. Jesus should be a natural part of who we are. He should come up in conversation...

Sorry. I’ve stepped onto a soapbox. My basic discovery is this – If I am to come abroad for missions, I won’t be alone. I will have support and I will have help. There will be love.
At the same time, I may not be meant for long term “foreign missions” as I’d assumed. Perhaps just not in Europe. It seems that mission work at home can be foreign in itself. “Mission work” has taken on a new meaning for me. It is daily. I don’t have to be a “missionary” to do missions.

I need to quit worrying about what God has for me in the future, and live in what He has for me now. Love life and people and serve now, where I am and with what I have.

Ok. Done now. :)

I really should be planning lessons. I take over when we go back. I mean, really, how often to you actually have to do lesson plans when you’re a “real” teacher? Ugh…

I am going to have exciting things to write about, eventually. I’m heading to the IMB office to meet up for lunch. I think Whitney and I are gonna roam around for a little bit after that. I’m determined to find an Easter outfit while I’m here…perhaps we should shop today. Or just take pictures. I dunno – we’ll see what happens!

There is quite a bit of homesickness welling back up in my gut. Mitch is sick. :( And I don’t like that I’m not there. I really, really don’t like it…

*sigh* I need to get up and put real clothes on. I'm starting to go cross-eyed from looking at the screen...

Much Love!